Poly Flavors

Poly Flavors

Because I regularly talk about being polyamorous, and often refer to having two partners, many people have asked if we consider ourselves a triad. In my current relationship, we do not consider ourselves a triad. That answer often leads to a discussion about the many different types and flavors of polyamory.  So I thought I’d talk about some of them with you all.

I consider a triad to be three people who are all romantically and/or sexually involved with all partners of the triad. Triads are often, but not exclusively, a couple who has been joined by an additional partner. I find that this dynamic is difficult to maintain, and it often means if you lose one partner, you lose both. In addition, while I consider myself pansexual – it’s rare for me to feel attraction and connection to two or three partners already in a relationship.  Rare, but not unheard of. 

A common blunder couples make when beginning to open up their relationship is to put a great deal of emphasis on finding a perfect match for both partners.  This is known as “unicorn hunting” and I’ll talk more about it in a future blog. However, while finding a perfect match for you as a couple is rare, it does happen and there are many folks happily living in triads or more.

I have explored several different relationship styles over the years. For me, what works best is sometimes referred to as Kitchen Table Poly (KTP).  Kitchen Table Poly is a dynamic wherein all partners and their partners are at least on a first-name-basis and would be comfortable sitting at an occasional kitchen table together. Metamours do not have to have an intimate relationship, or even a close friendship, but they must be aware, consenting, and able to get along for random larger occasions. 

I’m lucky that currently my two partners get along well. I also get along very well with my partner’s other partner. The four of us are friends and care for each other. We have occasional double dates or dates with three of us, and everyone is invited to my family events. 

While I now prefer to make individual connections, in the past I dated an already established triad.  I have many memories of that time that I cherish, and I learned a great deal, including that I prefer to make individual connections. My partner R and I were still exploring, managing multiple relationships, while raising my now-adult children. Many of my relationships have had a BDSM/kink flavor of some sort, so there was a steep learning curve. I learned a great deal about poly relationships, about dating styles, about scheduling and communication, and so much more. While it is not a relationship style I would likely pursue in the future, it’s not one I regret either. 

So that is my current relationship style, and some of the different flavors of polyamory that I have experience with. There are many that I have not explored that I will talk about in a future blog.  It should be noted that I’m currently only speaking of polyamory flavors – polyamory falls under an umbrella called “Ethical Non-Monogamy.” There are even *more flavors of that.  I’ll talk about that more in the future also.  I hope you’ll come back to check it out.

Love always,

Kat